Dramamine Queen

My boobs don’t lie. I got up at like 6:40am and peed on a stick. Counting for 5 seconds is a hard task that early. I was counting in my head and then thinking “Did I skip the number 4?”  I placed the test on the counter and kept peeing for like the next 2 [...]

[Read more →]

There are things I know about my mother that explain her. Explain my upbringing. Things that make it easier for me to understand why she might be the way she is. Things she should have gotten help with things she should have been medicated for. The details of her own upbringing are at best hazy. [...]

[Read more →]

Its Christmas time! Which is basically my favorite holiday based solely on the fact that its the longest space of time I get off from work a year. Oh and the gifts and the get togethers and all the other things that go with the festive season. Usually the holidays stress me out. There are [...]

[Read more →]

My parents came by this weekend. When they arrived my mother went to the side door and knocked loudly despite the sign on the door saying “Door broken. Please use front door” I yelled at her to go to the front of the house. That’s when I noticed my dad looking at the bumper of [...]

[Read more →]

I spent so much time working myself into an anxious ball of nerves thinking about spending Christmas with my family that when it didn’t collapse into the pit of hell that it usually seems I became overwhelmed. On the train home I burst into tears. It had been such a “normal” visit that it completely [...]

[Read more →]

Right now I am sooo itchy. Stupid cold weather means the heat is blasting everywhere sucking every bit of moisture from my tender flesh. Ugh. So hard not to scratch when it fells like your covered in drying glue. EW. Went to get my results from the dizzy clinic. Got there an hour before hand [...]

[Read more →]

Let’s pretend that the internet went down for about a month and that’s why I haven’t written anything…ok? ok! So something happened 10 days ago that was pretty big! I got engaged! After 9 years One month and 17 days my boyfriend decided he was sick of being called that and proposed! I’m sporting jewellery [...]

[Read more →]

My sister finally had her baby. A giant baby at that! Not the biggest baby I’ve ever heard of but pretty close and definitely for someone who on a good day might be 5 foot 1! My sister and her equally vertically challenged boyfriend somehow made a baby girl who was 8lbs 13oz and 22 [...]

[Read more →]

ME-”So I met my parents pot dealer.” Best Friend-”Oh yeah, that guy your mom is always talking about? She totally loves that guy!” ME-”Yeah I think I made out with him once, a long time ago, when I was drinking” Best Friend-”Wow. You made out with your moms pot dealer.” ME-”Well he was hot back [...]

[Read more →]

It’s pretty easy to tell if my mom is stoned. First off she’s breathing, secondly she’s awake. Those two things combined pretty much confirm her being stoned. If you’ve ever tried to talk to someone who’s stoned when your not it’s pretty much the most boring, one sided, repetitive conversation ever. Example: Her: How are you? Me: [...]

[Read more →]