Dramamine Queen

It’s pretty easy to tell if my mom is stoned. First off she’s breathing, secondly she’s awake. Those two things combined pretty much confirm her being stoned. If you’ve ever tried to talk to someone who’s stoned when your not it’s pretty much the most boring, one sided, repetitive conversation ever. Example: Her: How are you? Me: [...]

[Read more →]

I went to a party and drank two tablespoons of soy sauce straight.  On purpose. Just one of my many party tricks.

[Read more →]

A sunny day, my sister is in town and were walking down the street for lunch. A cute boy with a bit of a beard walks by. Me – You know, don’t tell anyone this because I kind of think it’s weird…. Sister – Yeah I know…I think beards are hot too. Me – But [...]

[Read more →]

I’m on a diet right now. Probably will be for a very long while. After seeing photos of me at my sisters baby shower and thinking “wow someone might have to guess which one of us is the knocked up sinner.” I thought I might as well bite the bullet (or in my case not [...]

[Read more →]

FACT: There’s always pubes on the seat of the toilet in the co-ed bathroom.

[Read more →]

Lawyer (because I asked my dad what job made a lot of money) First Female player in NFL(even though I have no sporting ability and no interest in football) Touring the world in a converted school bus. (months were spent making lists of what would be needed, drawing out bus conversion plans and looking at [...]

[Read more →]

I’m at an age where when you meet new people one of the first questions they ask is: “What do you do?” Sometimes I make stuff up because explaining what I actually do always comes out sounding like something I made up anyways. Next time though I’m asked I have my answer prepared thanks Germany [...]

[Read more →]

I have no doubt in my mind that if my mom was made a widow she would within a week become that cat lady that we’ve all joked about but few have ever seen. Sometimes she phones me at work to tell me about something the cats have done, almost every conversation with her has [...]

[Read more →]

I ate some tuna earlier today and then went out for a while. I just came back and it smells like a suana in a whore house and not a high class whore house either, I’m talking about the sort of whore house that whores go to retire at. Yes my house smells like the [...]

[Read more →]

I’m about to tell a story about my mother so sit back down a bottle of whatever you have on hand and let me tell you about the time my mother did something your mother would probably never dream of doing. I spent a lot of time sitting on curbs when I was younger, sometimes [...]

[Read more →]