Dramamine Queen

Yesterday while riding the subway home from work a nice lady offered me her seat. I smiled and said “No thank you I’m fine!” and then tried not to kick her in the shins really, really hard. Not because I don’t appreciate randoms acts of kindness I do but as soon as she caught my [...]

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I’ve been with the same man for nine years. We aren’t married or even engaged but we do own a house. We have a dog and a cat and a giant HD flat screen dvd. I was never big into weddings when I was growing up, maybe because all the weddings I had gone to I’d [...]

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Dear Woman around the corner, Today my dog peed on your lawn and you were standing on your porch. The boy urged me under his breath to pull the dog away before she could pee on your lawn but it was too late my dog was peeing just on the edge of your lawn were the sidewalk [...]

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I had a nightmare that the world was ending and I had to get somewhere fast, but I was naked and I knew I needed shoes to get there. Unfortunately the only shoes available while the world was ending were muddy navy blue Crocs that were too big. So I put them on and attempt [...]

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For some bizarre reason I have gotten it into my head that I’m going to start running. Maybe it’s the fact that I actually have a roll on my back that I can do the pencil test on my back. Basically I’m sporting an A cup back there, not really the look I was going [...]

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My sister finally had her baby. A giant baby at that! Not the biggest baby I’ve ever heard of but pretty close and definitely for someone who on a good day might be 5 foot 1! My sister and her equally vertically challenged boyfriend somehow made a baby girl who was 8lbs 13oz and 22 [...]

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My sister still hasn’t had her baby. I don’t know what the baby’s problem is, my sisters womb can’t be as lovely as all the awesome gifts I’ve bought her! Seriously I’m all “baby come out and wear the expensive baby socks that I spent more on than any pair of socks that I’ve ever [...]

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Years ago I went on a Diet Coke binge. I was seriously knocking back one an hour. I had to stop though because it gave me a really bad kidney infection. Theres no medical proof that copious amounts of Diet Coke gave me said infection but just that my Diet Coke maddness just happened to [...]

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ME-”So I met my parents pot dealer.” Best Friend-”Oh yeah, that guy your mom is always talking about? She totally loves that guy!” ME-”Yeah I think I made out with him once, a long time ago, when I was drinking” Best Friend-”Wow. You made out with your moms pot dealer.” ME-”Well he was hot back [...]

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I’m drinking Crystal Lite and waiting for my sister to call me and say she’s no longer in the early stages of labour and I better get my butt to the hospital stat. I’m not sure what flavor the Crystal Light is, I’m pretty sure it’s suppose to be peach but it doesn’t really taste [...]

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