Dramamine Queen

I have worked for the same company for almost 5 years. It’s the longest I’ve ever worked anywhere. I started as a temp receptionist and now am work on a team of 4 people.

When I started there were about 80 or so people. As of today there are about 17.

See the company that bought us a few years back decided that we didn’t fit their core product and decided to try to sell us. In this economy we had no buyers so now they are just shutting us down. If we stay to the end we will get a nice little severance package. 

I don’t mind my job. What makes it good though is that I have one really awesome friend here. At least I did. Because as of next week there will only be 16 people in the office.

I’m happy for him of course, he’s going on to greener pastures.  But I feel so completely sad that the first night that I knew he was leaving I woke up in the middle of the night and had a panic attack about it.  I try to imagine what work is going to be like without him and I just feel like deflating. It’s not like there is no one else nice here but there is no one as awesome and we’ve spent the last 4 years or so cultivating this awesomeness. I see photos of guys he’s going on dates with and he knew that I was going to pee on a stick before I did.  We have even cross border shopped together and he didn’t blink when Jonathan bought 70 odd beers to bring back and I encouraged him to buy the Doritos we had never seen before. When I see hilarious things I often text him right away. When he travelled to Europe he IM’d me AND brought me back cool chocolates! That’s the kind of friends we are.

I keep forgetting that he’s leaving. I know he’s not leaving me but it feels like it.  Obviously we are still going to be friends but it’s different when you don’t see each other 5 out of 7 days. I’m pretty sure I spend more hours of the week with him than with Jonathan! Jonathan jokingly calls him my other boyfriend.

I’m happy though. I’m happy that he’s going to a job that is stable and pays him what he’s worth(well at least closer to it than here.) and I keep telling him that all he has to do is keep that job for about a year and 9 months and then he can make his big move and I can just take over his old job! I think I’m mostly afraid that he’s going to go there and find another me or a better, funnier me.

I remember I had this friend in public school. We were thick as theives. I went and sat with her for hours every time she got her hair permed, I sat through that eggy stench while her scalp burned and our eyes teared up. We were going to move to California, hopefully somewhere near Disney World and we’d date Hollywood actors. We were going to open our own marshmallow store in the woods by our house(seriously don’t ask!)  Our moms even worked together.

Then one day she told me she was moving away. Oh how we cried. We promised up and down that we would be friends for life and never lose touch. We would write each other every day and talk on the phone once a week. For a while we did. But as those things usually go every thing trickled down and eventually stopped.

I’m still afraid of that trickle down even though I’m 3 times as old as I was now and theres the magic of the internet. I’m always afraid of being replaced.